If I Were A Bulldog

and growled and barked all day, then what would you do? I'd be a bulldog Mommy and sit right there with you!

So goes the great children's book If I Were A Moose. My sister, LeighAnn, gave me this book when my first child was born. I love reading it and replace the child's name with my own kids name, depends on who I am reading it too.

But that is not the main point here. Really this is about ANGER. And a grouchy bulldog is how I feel these days. And I want to know: God, if I growl and bark all day, what would you do? I think His answer is the same as the mom in the book: "Well, I'd still be your Father and I will sit right there with you all day too."

I do trust Him enough to know, even when my heart doubts, the Truth. Which brings me to dealing with Anger. As this mom in Australia wrote, just when you think you have overcome the shock, grief, fear and anger of your newborn baby being different than you expected, along comes the first surgery and you start all over again.

We went to our pre-op visit, had Holly's vital's checked, learned about her feeding schedule during the night before the surgery and finally signed those liability release forms. As Lee whispered later in the day "Peg, death wasn't even the last thing that could go wrong. There were two more items on the list!!" We know that is worst case stuff and Holly will be fine, even better than fine when all this is over. Still all those feelings are back.

So here goes the Anger Management/Trust In God/Walk In The Light part. I know it is not quite Divine Mercy Sunday, but will you join me in praying this novena for our daughter, all our children, and especially for God to have Mercy on me and Lee to overcome this anger. Thanks!

Just Say Yes

How hard can that be? How many times have I said to my children, "Will you just say yes ma'am?" As in "Yes ma'am, I will take out the trash." or "Yes ma'am, I will not eat in the living room again." Not until today did this simple request register with ME.


During our usual math struggle, me struggling to get my son to finish his math, the moment occured. He said "I will do it. I want to do it my way." By God's grace, I was able to direct him to time out, and then after we both calmed down, I could politely discuss this. My response was, "I am glad you know how to do this another way. But this lesson is not about solving the problem that way. This lesson is about learning a new way to solve the problem."


The very next thought I had was, "are you listening to yourself?" It is not about me doing it my way. But about God showing me there is another way. The original way isn't bad or wrong. But this way is new and better for the circumstances. In Holly's short life, I have given up countless "old ways" of taking care of my newborn. Instead learning a new way that is better for her.

From the very start, this has been about Just Saying Yes to God. My friend, Fr. Shawn said early on, "Hey, you can call me if you want. I'll say its not about you." That was the best advice I have received. It isn't about me. It is about God. About saying Yes to what He wants.

Saying Yes to God is not impossible. Many, many people before me have done so. Not that it is easy. What countless ways of her life did Mary give up when she said Yes? or Esther? or St. Elizabeth Ann Seton? This is not impossible. So I will begin again today, Just Saying Yes.

Change in Plans

Sometimes when you wake up in the morning, you just have to go to Plan B. Maybe it is when you or a child gets the latest virus floating around. Or if your dishwasher breaks. Or, lets say, you realize that "Yes, you are pregnant...again!"

For seven years, when people would ask that question "are you done having children?" I would reply, God Willing. Apparently God was willing in another direction. As 2007 passed, both Lee and I began to realize that one more child might be a good thing. So onto Plan B.

We joyfully began to make space in our house and hearts for our fourth child, Holly Marie. Our due date came soon enough, and Holly Marie was born. As for Plan B? Well, that has become Plans C, D, E.... Holly arrived with a cleft lip and palate.

She is beautiful, nonetheless. And her wide smile is a joy to see. Fortunately, God has place many people in our lives to guide through the next few years filled with surgeries and doctors appointments. The Wide Smiles website is a wealth of information. And even in our small town, it didn't take too long to meet other moms whose children are cleft affected.

So my new prayers is "Jesus, I trust in You." Along with the Divine Chaplet of Mercy, for those long new baby nights. I will share more about this journey as we go along. Hopefully, my prayer can become your prayer "Jesus, I trust in You" no matter what Plan B brings.