The refrain from the psalm hit me hard this Sunday. When our cantor, Johnny, began this pleading, aching refrain, I was caught off guard.
Not ready. That's what I thought. I am NOT ready. Holy Week is here. The passion, the agony, the crowds yelling at Jesus "Crucify Him." And I am not ready.
All of Lent, is about prayer and sacrifice, trying a little harder to be all that God wants for us. Sunday, when I heard that plea, I realized Lent is also about being prepared for Easter. This is a hard week to live in Jesus' footsteps. To hear the readings from the Gospel beginning on Sunday and retold every day up till Easter. How much Jesus suffered for us. The agony. The loneliness.
You really have to be ready, prepared. Maybe fortified is the word I am searching for. Fortified through the sacrifice and prayers of the past 40 days. My attempt at not complaining hasn't been for naught, but was it enough? Did this "fast from complaining" fortify me for the agony of Holy Week? Well, I'm not sure. But here we are, ready or not.
I want to hide, put my fingers in my ears, Lalalalala, not see or hear what He suffered for me. How could he love me that much? Still, I know He does. I will be there with Him this week. I want to be there. Ready or not.
There is a reward. The Empty Tomb. The Upper Room. Jesus Ascending to Heaven! I want to be there too. Are you ready?
2 comments:
Thank you for this post. Even though I found it some 6 months later, it spoke to me. I am finding it increasingly difficult to live my life in the Church as I have in the past. Life seems to be testing my faith at every turn, and our current community is not Catholic-friendly. But just reading this post, from a mother and wife just like me, who is strong in her faith, has helped me soldier on just a bit longer.
Thank you.
Katie, You are welcome. I am glad to have been an encouragement in a little way. I definitely agree that it is not easy to live a Catholic life, no matter where you are. I have often thought maybe it was just so tough here in the Bible belt. But have found that people all over struggle to find their way in the Church and the world too.
I want you to know, your kind note has given me courage too. Thank you!
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