God's Smuggler

Brother Andrew's story of God working in his life is really amazing to read. He grew up seeking adventure and got the biggest one of all. For many years, he smuggled Bibles into Communist countries, without being arrested. Even now, he is looking forward to the new frontier: Muslim countries.

The miracles he tells are tough to see in my life. It is hard to see the providence of God, meeting basic needs, when we meet so many by our own endeavors. Reflecting on this while reading the book, I wondered this week, have Lee and I removed our self from God's care by being too independent? Counting on our own abilities, instead of looking to God?

So Sunday rolls around and we are planning to head to another Catholic church, for a few reasons, but not the least is Holly and our temporarily closed nursery (our Church is in the middle of moving). Lee and I agreed that a visit to the next closest church would be a nice change, and they have a cry room.

At the same time, my husband gets a call that his cousins' son, 20 years old, has died in a car accident. This is heavy on our minds as we are preparing for Mass today.

Then a friend calls and offers to babysit Holly so we can all attend Mass together here in town. We take them up on the offer, happily! After Mass, my husband lights a candle and prays for the Armstrong family. That God would be with them, that He would welcome their son into Heaven, and let the family know He is still caring for them all.

The rest of us had gone for coffee in the parish hall. My husband comes and looks over a table of free books, left by some missionaries from Belmont Abbey. And there in the middle of the table is a Living Bible.

My husband's grandmother's Bible. Her name is in it. Her notes. Or maybe it is Aunt Patricia's? Either way Armstrong is written in the Bible. How did this book come from a Baptist family across the state by way of out of town missionaries and end up in a Catholic church on the very day he was praying for that exact same part of the family.

Today, it was Lee's turn for small miracle.

Please join our prayers for The Armstrong family, for their son, for the Holy Spirit to carry them these next weeks, surrounding them with the Love of God. And letting them know their son is in Heaven.

If I Were A Bulldog

and growled and barked all day, then what would you do? I'd be a bulldog Mommy and sit right there with you!

So goes the great children's book If I Were A Moose. My sister, LeighAnn, gave me this book when my first child was born. I love reading it and replace the child's name with my own kids name, depends on who I am reading it too.

But that is not the main point here. Really this is about ANGER. And a grouchy bulldog is how I feel these days. And I want to know: God, if I growl and bark all day, what would you do? I think His answer is the same as the mom in the book: "Well, I'd still be your Father and I will sit right there with you all day too."

I do trust Him enough to know, even when my heart doubts, the Truth. Which brings me to dealing with Anger. As this mom in Australia wrote, just when you think you have overcome the shock, grief, fear and anger of your newborn baby being different than you expected, along comes the first surgery and you start all over again.

We went to our pre-op visit, had Holly's vital's checked, learned about her feeding schedule during the night before the surgery and finally signed those liability release forms. As Lee whispered later in the day "Peg, death wasn't even the last thing that could go wrong. There were two more items on the list!!" We know that is worst case stuff and Holly will be fine, even better than fine when all this is over. Still all those feelings are back.

So here goes the Anger Management/Trust In God/Walk In The Light part. I know it is not quite Divine Mercy Sunday, but will you join me in praying this novena for our daughter, all our children, and especially for God to have Mercy on me and Lee to overcome this anger. Thanks!

Why is this man blind?

One of the readings from this past weekend included the miracle of Jesus healing the man born blind. John Chapter 9. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned this man or his parents that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "neither he nor his parents sinned; it is so that the works of God might be made visible through him."

I can't help but ask this same question for our family, "Rabbi, who sinned this girl or her parents that she was born with a cleft?" Was there something I did? My husband did? Could we have prevented it? These seem like difficult questions to answer. Yet, Jesus does not leave even the difficult questions unanswered.

Jesus answered, "neither he nor his parents sinned; it is so that the works of God might be made visible through him." Already I have seen the works of God made visible through the birth of our daughter. The first and most important is the God worked in our hearts to change us to want another child! No small thing for two people who really were committed to "God willing, no more children." But slowly and surely, God opened our eyes to the possibility of new life for our family. A wonderful work of God to start with.

Most recent is this particular reading. It fell to this year, in the Church cycle of readings to be included. God, in his mercy, knew what words of encouragement we would need. Precisely when we would need them. He does care about every little detail.

What other works of God will be made visible through our daughters life, I do not know yet. Surely as Jesus healed the blind man for his good purpose, I know my daughter's future is in his hands and I Trust In Him.

Amazing Grace

Six Little Ducks, Wee Willie Winkie, All the Pretty Little Horses.

Of all the lullabyes I have sung over the years, and there have been many, I am quite pleased that Holly's favorite song isn't a lullabye at all. It's Amazing Grace. I can remember with my first child singing "Six Little Ducks" until my brain began to turn to mush! Or with my second singing "All the Pretty Little Horse" until I saw horses in the few moments of sleep I did get.

But this is a different kind of midnight experience. "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me." Somehow, these words, this tune, captures Holly attention and she will pretty quickly fall asleep. What an unexpected gift God has given me. The thing my daughter needs the most is a song about Grace. The very thing I need the most.

Midnight meditations on Amazing Grace have lifted me up, out of the sleep-deprived nonsense of nursery rhymes into another place. I am counting on God's Grace to carry us through the next few years of surgery and treatments that I can't comprehend. So I am counting these nights, singing about God's Grace, as treasure in heaven for the nights ahead. Those nights after Holly's first surgery, when I don't know what I will be able to think about.

I hope this Grace will cover me, today when I am talking to my husband and older children and in the future when Holly is recovering. What a great "auto-pilot" prayer to have ahead of me: "When we've been there ten thousand years, bright shining like the sun, we've no less days to sing God's praise then when we've just begun."